


This Time I’m Putting Myself First

by pinkpolkadots



Series: kevintines <3 [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/M, Kevin is a bi icon, Kevin stands up for himself, Kevintines, M/M, Trauma, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 10:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17847896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkpolkadots/pseuds/pinkpolkadots
Summary: Everyone hits their breaking point sooner or later. This is Kevin’s.





	This Time I’m Putting Myself First

**Author's Note:**

> Hey didn’t mean for this to come out this angsty, tomorrow’s should be lighter! 
> 
> Happy kevintine’s (and happy birthday to our baby!)

_Kevin hated Andrew._

Andrew needed to be bribed to even put in the bare minimum effort when he played exy. He had a whole team relying on him, but that somehow wasn’t enough.

Andrew refused to eat vegetables, or have any regard for the food he fueled his body with. Apparently, Andrew would rather smoke and consume mass amounts of ice cream then worry about his health in the slightest.

Andrew refused to wear anything that wasn’t black, and he still managed to look so goddamn good.

Andrew never seemed to care about anything, but he went out of his way to protect Kevin. That was basically caring … right?

The truth of the matter was Kevin was a little bit in love with Andrew. That was what Kevin really hated.

That Kevin had always known it was never going to happen.

It wasn’t even that Andrew was a guy. Okay, at first it was a little bit that. When Kevin was a Raven he’d known better than to let his eyes linger on any one person for too long. Riko was the kind of despicable person who would use that Kevin, and Kevin refused to give Riko that kind of power. That’s why he’d worked so hard to keep Thea a secret. Thea didn’t make Kevin feel safe the same way Andrew did though.

Andrew made Kevin feel safe enough that sometimes on the rides back after late-night practices, nights like tonight, Kevin would let himself dream about his future. Kevin made Court, that was a given. He’d also told Wymac the truth in this future. Kevin even got to go home after games with Andrew to an apartment they lived in together, and the media would think they were just roommates, but they weren’t. In that future, Andrew loved him back.

It wasn’t real though.

The real reason it was never going to happen, was that Andrew was _Andrew_.

Kevin had experienced enough trauma in his own life to recognize it in other people. Andrew may never have been comfortable enough to tell him about it, but Kevin wasn’t blind.

Andrew played in a position where he required little to no physical contact with other players. He lashed out whenever he was woken up unexpectedly. He didn’t do physical affection of any kind. Once, Nicky, Andrew’s cousin went to give the blond a hug and the shorter boy pulled a knife in response.

_That wasn’t normal._

Alarm bells would go off in Kevin’s mind and he’d hate himself a little more each time Andrew pulled a blade on someone. How could the small boy still occupy so many of Kevin’s thoughts? How could Kevin feel safe with him when this particular bad habit reminded him so much of Riko.

Kevin hated Riko. Riko was a monster.

Their teammates referred to Andrew and his circle, by extension Kevin, as monsters. What did that say about them?

As a black man in sport, Kevin had to work so hard to not be cast in an aggressive light by the media. Kevin had honed his charm, he’d respected every rule, he worked harder than anyone else, and associating with Andrew just took all that hard work away.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Andrew said from the driver's seat. Kevin didn’t need to look at Andrew to know that the blond was talking to him. He did anyway.

Kevin sighed but didn’t bother to reply. Kevin was too busy watching the way Andrew’s eyes darted to the rearview mirror, to Neil.

Therein laid the true problem.

Kevin has been perfectly okay with the fact that Andrew wanted nothing. He had been, but then Neil showed up and everything changed. Andrew wanted Neil.

That meant Kevin wasn’t enough. Always number two. Kevin hated the number two.

When Andrew parked the car Kevin finally found his voice.

“Neil is going to drive me to night practices from now on,” Kevin said, doing his best to say it the calm way he’d practiced speaking for press conferences.

“Do you have a problem with my driving?” Andrew asked. So no one was going to pretend that Neil didn’t have his own key to the car, at least there was that. Kevin has never been offered a key.

“No, but you won’t be joining us,” Kevin told the blond and he couldn’t help the sharpness that had seeped into the end of his sentence.

Andrew laughed his cold disinterested laugh. Kevin would give anything to hear just one genuine laugh from the boy’s lips. “I knew you’d give up.”

Kevin sucked in a sharp breath, then he turned to Neil. “Head upstairs, pack your stuff, we’re switching rooms.”

“You’re going to room with Matt?” Neil asked incredulously.

Kevin nodded. “Yeah, is that okay?”

Matt was likely going to be a bit upset about the switch, but he’d get over it.

Neil seemed to sense that was his cue to leave and made his exit.

“I’m not giving up on you,” Kevin confessed through gritted teeth. “But our deal is done, you’ve already found the thing that makes you care.”

“No I haven’t,” Andrew said starting to sound agitated.

“You have. And it’s not something I can give you. But hey he’s going to be your dorm mate now, you’re welcome.”

“But I’m not done protecting you,” Andrew argued. It hurt that Andrew didn’t try to deny that Neil was special to him, but Kevin was glad he hadn’t.

“You are,” Kevin wasn’t sure if he was commanding or pleading at this moment. “Andrew you’ve done all that you can, but I can’t give you what you need and I need to start fighting my own battles. I need you to let me go.”

“What are you -“

“Stop,” Kevin commanded. He took a deep breath, “I’m only going to say this once, but I’ve been putting you first for long enough. I can’t live in someone else’s shadow anymore. I can’t spend every second of the day with you, because if I do I’ll never get over you.”

Kevin slammed the door shut behind him and just before it shut he saw the recognition dawn in Andrew’s eyes.

Things didn’t get easier after that. Not right away.

With time it hurt less and less though.

The upperclassman helped. Matt would entertain Kevin’s meal plans. Renee started to tag along to late night practices a couple of times a week. Dan challenges any Raven who dared look in their direction, and when she did Kevin stood at her side shooting the opposing team the withering glare Allison had taught him.

He hadn’t left the “monsters” behind either. He still trained with Neil and the pair would occasionally watch old French classics when one of them was out on an injury. Nicky went with to the tattoo studio with a sober Kevin and held his hand the whole time as the queen was inked across his cheek. Aaron went to AA meetings with Kevin twice a month and Kevin is grateful whenever the boy chooses to open up about his own battles with addiction.

Kevin knows he hates it, but before particularly high stakes games Andrew will sit down with Kevin and talk strategy. Not for too long, but just enough to settle the darker boy’s nerves.

When Neil tells the world the truth about his father, Kevin reveals his own secret to lessen the blow. Wymack is shocked, but the pair navigate the new territory as best they can.

Years later Kevin comes out as the first openly bi exy player. Dan and Matt point out to the media that they’ve always been bi and they assumed everyone already knew.

Kevin appreciates the support, but they can pry this title from his cold dead hands. Kevin was first.

He wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment, but for the first time in a long time, he felt in control and happy. He had his father and a family of foxes. He may not be in love just yet, but he could finally say that he loved himself; right now, that was enough.


End file.
